In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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