Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he's single and there are thong briefs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
