A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
