i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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