I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
