Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
