Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize