so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
