Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
