I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
