you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
