allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
