This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
