my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
