Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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