At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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