SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
