Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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