He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.