His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.