So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.