I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
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I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"