Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar