I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you