I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
