As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
