She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My bed smells like the plague
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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