My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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