I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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