Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
