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so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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