OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
