I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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