I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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