A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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