the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
