OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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