You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
