Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
