is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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