i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
