It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
