party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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