Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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