i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
