nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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