somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
