If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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