I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize