Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
