So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
