Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
