TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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