How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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