Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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