if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
