i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
