I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
