My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
