i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
