I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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