god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
