we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
