I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
