i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
