Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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