Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
