Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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