i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
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It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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