that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
