so that wasnt chicken after all
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
