look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
