my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
