Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
