I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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